That feeling you get when you lie to your mom because you’re not ready to tell her exactly what it is that’s wrong, even though she’s the strongest women you know…plus she gave birth to your ass.
That feeling you get when you have no idea how your family is going to react when you tell them you’re engaged to the man they don’t understand or really know as well as you do, but you know you’ll fight for to be with…no matter what.
That feeling you get knowing you’re about to leave a place you now can actually call your home (AU)
That feeling you get knowing that tomorrow it’ll be the last time you see your family & friends before summer starts…well for you guys at least…for me…this will be the last time in a long time before I see any of my AU famz.
Oh Lord God, I ask you to please give me strength to get me through the next couple of days. Please guide me and be with me.
Been packing and cleaning since yesterday evening & I’m about 90% packed. My roommate and I took down almost everything in our room, and its back to the jail cell look (which was unbearable…that’s why we had it looking like winter wonderland). It’s hard to imagine that another school year has gone by and now onto senior year of college. I look back on all that I have done and accomplished and I can’t say that I’m completely proud of myself, but then again, I can’t say that I’m utterly disappointed in myself. I’ve come a long way since my freshmen year of college & I have learned so much that I know will help me later on in life. My career pathway has changed since my freshmen year and plans have changed. Things always change…that’s the good thing about life. Some things change for the better, some things change for the worse…it’s all how you look at it. For once in my life, I actually feel like I’m growing up. I have gotten things accomplished, I have things going for me, and as for my emotional stability…it’s all in the works with God and myself. I haven’t felt like this in a really long time…come to think of it, I don’t know if I’ve ever even felt like this before. Tomorrow I go back home to California for good. It’s another chapter in my life that I’m ready to take on. I know that with the help of God and all that I’ve learned here and past events, I will be more than just fine. I’m finally content with my life and not scared of what is ahead of me, because I know that God will take care of me.
“Lord Jesus….help my friends and I get through the finals ahead of us today & let us finish this week & this year strong. Guide us during our final exams and let everything that we have been studying for be brought back into remembrance. Let our professors have mercy on us today & for the rest of the week. In Your Name…AMEN!!”—Yours Truly…Joyce.
“I want to be a woman who lives totally abandoned to the first commandment: to love my Lord, my God, with all my heart. I don’t want the reputation that I love God, I don’t want to write songs about loving God, I don’t want to talk about loving God. I want to actually love God. When I close my eyes, I want my heart to move. When I close my eyes and I look at Him, I want to feel alive on the inside. I want to look at Him with a fire in my heart and it’s real.”—Misty Edwards (via janusho)
Finals this week. Not too worried about it but again, I’m not gonna underestimate myself. Plus…going home this Thursday and facing the parents/family with my Engagement. Yes, my parents don’t know about me being engaged. It’s more complicated than it seems. It’s hard to fathom, but in the Asian culture (my fellow Asians know what I’m talking about) Asian parents usually want you to marry within your own race because that’s the way they grew up. My fiancée is not Asian, he’s black. If anyone knows me, I’m not one to go out with an Asian guy…PERIOD!! Telling my parents that I am going to get married with someone who isn’t within my race will be the biggest challenge and obstacle my fiancée and I go through. However, through all of this I know that I not only have the support of my fiancée, promising me that we’ll get through all of this and that he doesn’t care if my parents say no…he’d still marry me, and my Andrew’s friends, and even his parents and family, I know he and I will get through this. Just thinking about it makes me upset because for once in my life, I really feel like this has been the best decision I’ve ever made. I just want them to support my decision. I mean, after all that has happened, I know for a fact that God will make a way through these rough times I’m going through right now. God…please help me!
“It doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain & the fear & the crap, maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up.”—Grey’s Anatomy (via kimberlyjane) (via randomlovenotes)
People need to realize that when we pray to God, we can’t expect what we asked for to go our way. We pray about certain things, asking him for this, or that, a whole lot of different things. When we ask God to answer our prayers, He does. But it’s not always the answer we want. People don’t always understand that though. We think God is like our personal genie in a bottle. We pray about something we want or need, and we expect him to answer it just how we want. He doesn’t work that way though. He knows better for us, and I mean, I’d stick w/ his decisions over mine. It’s just we don’t always like the answer he gives us. But when things don’t go as planned, and we don’t know what to do anymore, we just need to do one thing. We need to let go, and let God.