“I’m not relapsing on you! I took a shot & better than that, I made a promise to the ONE ABOVE that I’d come back to him soon. Going back to you & being with you would only distant me from the ONE I TRULY LOVE…JESUS!! So NO!!”—from: Me…JOYCE’s HEART<3
“For I know the plans i have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and i will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. “I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”—
“Nobody wants to admit this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that’s because it’s all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. You know, like that game where you whisper a sentence into someones’ ear, and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end. But then again, maybe bad things happen because it’s the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.”—Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes (via quotewhore) (via mylovenotes)
Spring Break this year was EPIC & AMAZING. It was definitely tiring. I’m very much surprised that my body isn’t completely dead right now. Monday & Tuesday I stayed at home with my lil sis. Wednesday(where it all began):PAYDAY & JANUS’ 20TH BIRTHDAY!!! After discussing for 2 days straight with Marian, she finally decided to go to the LA Zoo. Trish & my brother came along. Marian picked out Janus’ Birthday Gift. After the zoo, Trish, Marian, & I decided to get our nails done. It was Marian’s very first time every getting her nails did; she was so excited after that she didn’t care whether or not my mom was mad that night when we got time. That night, we met up with Janus & Sean. Later on Jenny & Chris came.
Thursday: Got my hair did at Carlton’s. That night, clubbing with Jenny, Trish(her first time ever going to a club),& Jen Tang at Highlands. Pre-gamed with Jen & J.R. in the parking lot, then got crazy on the dance floor or should I say on stage. LOL That night, Trish & I crashed at Jenny’s house. Sean experienced some paranormal activity. Mama Julie came to the rescue just in time. Trish & I were too tired to be scared so we K.O.’d right away.
Friday: Busted a mission to Santa Anita mall for my Jessica Simpson wedges. Later that night, I made an appearance with them & busted another mission with Jenny to San Pedro for a party with Joe & Alfred.
“EVERYTHING YOU NEED IN LIFE" (ooooppss!!)
Saturday: DISNEYLAND with Janus, Sean, & Jenny. What was suppose to be the happiest place on earth, turned out to be the most tiring place on earth; but Jenny & I managed to play it all through, with out any sort of energy supplements. Trish came later on that night to pick up Jenny & I. The 3 of us headed for Riverside for my birthday party. We pre-gamed in Corona with Joe & his friends. Jimbo showed up & went with us. Party was O.K. till my girls left. Got kinda crazy realizing my best friend didn’t show up; thought things through & just ended up going to sleep.
MY BOTTLES<3 thanks to Jimbo, Trish, & Richy!!
Sunday: An attempt to RECOVERY DAY…epic fail because Jenny called me later that night for another mission to LA for Joe’s friends’ going away party. She put the guilt trip on me. Jenny:”You’re leaving me Joyce!!” (slight push, hugging Joe) Joe:”Joyce you’re leaving?” Me:”Yeah, for school…” Joe:”Yeah we can’t be friends.” —->It hit me right there & then exactly how much I’d miss everything out here in Cali. It made me really think was I really ready to grow up & move on with my life?
Monday: MY 20th BIRTHDAY!! Woke up that morning thinking “WOW, Joyce…you made it to you’re 20th birthday without getting killed or having a baby. Girl you beat them statistics LOL. I thought about what I had lost throughout the years & realized how much I’ve gained through all the experiences, trials & tribulations, & concluded that YES, indeed I have grown up to be women & I am ready for the next step. Went to my one & only class & jetted for the beach with Jenny, Trish, Tony, Paul Deuce. After the beach, we all went to Boiling Crab & met up with Janus, Joe, Alfred, Papa Blue & his friend. After eating $314 of seafood, we all went home, to our amazing beds & snoozed the night away.
Papa Blue:”We couldn’t find a cupcake plus the lady didn’t know what we were talking about (Papa Blue’s laugh);so we just gave you a snickers HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE!!!” LOL
THE BEST OF THE BEST<3 FOREVER & EVER MY RIDE OR DIES<3
THE FAMILY THAT ACCEPTED MY RIGHT AWAY. MAMA SAM WASN’T THERE. (ugh I feel so bad, sorry sammy!! I STILL LOVE YOU MAMA<3 always!!)
Papa Blue & his friend’s snickers “cake” & Trish’s red velvet & brownie birthday cake
I must say in all honesty, this was truly thee best birthday I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my 20th with anyone else or any other way. It would have been better with family, but they understand =) It just hit me right now that tomorrow will officially mark 4 months before I leave. It breaks my heart to leave everyone; but I know that when I come back for break, they’ll all still be here, no matter what. I don’t have any friends, I have something better. I have FAMILY<3
My birthday is in one week. I’m more than excited for it to come. I’m officially not going to be a teenager anymore, which means I’m going to need a new look. stay tuned for pictures. For now here’s my wish list:
-new swimsuit (something simple but cute)
-new hair color
-comfortable pair of wedges
-MICHIGAN clothes (LOL)
-L.A.M.B. purse by Gwen Stefani
-new tattoo =)
*These aren’t all for sure and I know they’re pricy but hey a girl can dream ;) Thanks in advance<3
Last night after chilling with my friend Tony and talking to my best friend Trish, I realized something about myself. It’s sad to say but I don’t love myself enough. It’s a hard reality that I’ve come to realize and I don’t even know what to say for myself. I’ve let my guards down for way too long and now I’m suffering in the aftermath of all the destruction. I was talking to Trish about everything and I told her that because of the past and what has happened, I feel ashamed. These feelings that everyone keeps telling me not to feel, I feel every ounce of it. Since the incident, when I was younger, I haven’t felt the love, safety, comfort, trust, the list goes on. The moment I spoke up to my friend that day, was the moment I took my life into my own hands. At age 7(or something like that) I already felt what no child should ever feel. Feeling like that really sucks.
Times have moved on now and I am the person that I am today. Whether or not it was mines or my families’ fault, Shit happened and there’s no turning back…just moving forward. It’s a sad reality because there are more people/kids out there like me who have either gone through way more shit or are equivalent to me. I just hope my children never go through what I went through. I’m going to try and heal from this. I know it’s going to take time, but I need to do this, not for my family, but for me.
Yes it is true SPRING BREAK IS OFFICIALLY IN SESSION!! It has never felt so good to be done with finals and to be on break. I’m so thankful God has brought me through this day. Next quarter is going to be more relaxed but I shall be more focused on my goals and prioritize!! Formspring has been getting annoying to be. People have been criticizing me and attacking me. But hey what can I expect, I knew this was going to happen. All in all I think it’s just pure entertainment, but the questions or statements are getting repetitive and people are getting lame, or the person asking is getting lame. On a better note, SPRING BREAK PLANS are looking GREAT!! I’m so excited and I can’t wait. It’s all going to start this friday. Right after my best friend Trish is done with her final, we are going to take a shot to a very accomplished finals week. This saturday, my best friend Chris is coming out to chill with me. I can’t help but to feel extra excited. It’s this feeling I get every time I know he’s coming around…kinda like this…
I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been really obsessed with Sex and The City. I guess I just feel like my best friends and I can relate to the Ladies of Sex and The City. Like I said before, LADIES, WE SHALL BE THERE ONE DAY!! This is how FAB my bestiies and I are going to look during our week together…
We haven’t quiet figured out who is who yet, LOL but I’ve heard some people call dibs. LOL Well till next time….I LOVE YOU<3
I’m not going to spend my life chasing people. You wanna leave? Fine then, go ahead. 'Cause I’m done with chasing and caring for people who never had interest in me. Nothing lasts and people change. I’ve learned love is hard and life is strange.
I like dressing casual. Sometimes I wish the world would be less “Oh I’m so FAB!” But then again, I shouldn’t be talking because if I had all the money in the world…sheeeeiiiit…I would be saying “I’m so FAB!” LOL. Anyways, studying has been going great. Everyday since friday, I’ve been at my best friend Trish’s apartment. With the exception of updating and having Jenny over on saturday, we still managed to get things done. I love how all three of us are such bad girls. LOL I only wished my other best friend Janus would come out and hang out with the girls and I more often, but I know she’s occupied with her own things to do so I don’t mind, because at the end of the night, I know she will always be my best friend & sister at heart. I’m not even going to lie, I do miss her companionship. Anyways, I love the life style that my little sister aka best friend lives. JENNY HO is the definition of F.A.B.U.L.O.U.S. I’m not even going to lie, I am jealous of the things she has. LOL. I STILL LOVE YOU MY LIL BEEZY<3 You’ll always be my DOWN-ASS LIL SIS. The many missions we be busting & more to come. This one of my favorite pictures of us.
B.I.R.T.D.A.Y. B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y. B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y.
Janus’s is coming up on the 24th. I still don’t know what this beezy wants because she fails to tell everyone what she wants. But little does she know, I have something up my sleeve ;) My birthday is coming up on the 29th. I don’t know exactly what I want, but it seems like people already know what to get me. THANKS GUYS!! Jenny’s is also coming up April 2nd. Again I don’t know what I’m going to get her either because, seems like this girl has everything she needs. Either that or she goes out and buys it herself. LOL I love how all three of us share our birthdays so close it makes planning out our big days that much more fun. We have yet to travel somewhere with each other for our birthdays. Perhaps in a few more years when we are all more successful in life and not living off the paycheck-to-paycheck or financial aid. I feel like my best friends Janus, Jenny, Trish, and I are like the girls from Sex and the City, except without all the sex and not yet all the FAB. LOL ONE DAY LADIES…ONE DAY<3
I can’t seem to get myself to concentrate right now because there’s just so much going through my head. What am I doing//what am I going to do later after my midterm//what am I suppose to do with Him//are we still on for tonight//what was I thinking//why the eff are people so rude now a days//what’s going to happen if my grandma doesn’t make it//what’s going to happen if Jackie doesn’t make it//ugh!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. FUCK MAN.
In the all the frustration, the only way I can find peace is to vent on something or to someone. Since no one is near me at the moment that I know and that I’d feel comfortable venting to, TUMBLR…you are my source!! There’s been a lot going on and all I can say is Spring Break Soon!! This couple sitting in front of me are so cute. The boy keeps on moving his hand closer to the girls and every time the guy’s hand gets close she moves her hand away closer to her body. He keeps trying but no success. So he gives up and at the end she starts what he started and he plays along for a little bit then in the end they both just kinda meet in the middle. She smile every time any part of him gets close to her. It’s so cute.
Someone sent me a formspring questions saying “you’re going to be single your whole life because you can’t keep your legs close.” It had me thinking exactly what kind of people are in this world and who ever this was, once was my friend. What happened to us? To be honest, I really don’t care. They must have nothing to do but worry about my life. Getting back to studying so I can pass this last computer science test.
sometimes i feel like this, even though the guilt isn’t even suppose to be on me. Why?
I’m in much need of time with my girls. Whether its going to be during the day or at night. The past 2 days just have been sad. WOW “sad” is isn’t even a strong enough word for what I’m trying to say. “Basically I fucked up and I feel like you’ve punished me enough.”Seriously when the tables are turned for once, I realize it. Please stop punishing me now.
I’m at my best friend Jenny & Janus’ house right now because I just feel like I really need to be with my sisters/best friends right now. They are the only ones who actually hear me out and give me the best advice. I seriously can’t believe I cried and basically begged for your forgiveness & we haven’t even known each other a month. But you live & you learn. UGH…FOR REALS…SPRING BREAK CAN YOU JUST BE HERE ALREADY!! I have plans to get super fucked up on TUESDAY MARCH.16TH @9:30p.m. right after I get home from my last final, which is for calculus!! A little something like this but with clothes:
I guess right now I just need time to myself to really evaluate what I want and really need in life, or something like that. I just feel like all of my girls and I need to come together for one night or two or three or we just need a week together to just get totally fucked up and not have a worry or care about anything, but just for that one week. Honestly, for my birthday this year, I JUST WANT A DAY OR WEEK (whatever they can spare for me) WITH MY BEST GIRL FRIENDS. Sounds corny, but I don’t care, gifts don’t really matter to me this time around, if you know me well enough you’d know what to get me, if not, ask my best friends =). I just went on a mission with my little sister Jenny. WE SAW THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN EVER…I THINK IM IN LOVE…lmao ahahahahahha!! Well till next time, I LOVE YOU!!<3
I haven’t been keeping up with my blog posts, for what reason, I don’t know why. Today are the Twins’ birthday, my twin best friends that is, CHRIS & MARCUS. They are officially 22&old today. LOL. But yeah so I definitely fucked up on something that was going pretty well. Trish and I made a pros and cons list about this boy that I’m talking to and the cons most definitely way out the pros. I don’t know why but I feel differently about this boy. I might have mentioned this the last time. We’ve been “talking” for about 3 weeks now and I’ve already managed to “fuck up”. My roomies tell me that it’s really not that big of a deal and to just brush off my shoulders. Easier said than done. I ended up crying about this whole situation. Text after text arguing with this boy about the situation, he said some really hurtful things that I can’t help but to recognized because the tables were once turned around before with other guys and I. Now that it’s my turn to hear out all the shit, I made me realize how badly it really hurts. I don’t know when I am ever going to learn, but with every experience, I learn a little something I didn’t know before. Anyway, I can’t wait for spring quarter to come. I managed to get all the classes I need. As for summer, I’ve applied to Fullerton JC and Chaffey and I’m currently debating on whether or not I want to attend RCC. I’m going to be so busy this summer its going to be crazy. Keeping the main prize in mind is what keeps me going so yeah. Here are some pictures from the first time Jen and I went to Club Highlands:
Here’s some pictures of my roomiies and I at a birthday kickback:
It’s the second day of March and I’m that much closer to my birthday. Chris leaves for the army tomorrow morning. I wanted to go and see him off but for some reason, besides not having enough gas to get there and back to my place, something just didn’t feel right. Could it have been what happened the previous night? Well not exactly, but it had a little to do with it. I was extremely shocked by the aim that I had received from him, but I forgave him. I wish him all the best of luck out there and to come home soon and safely. Let the letter writing & the bet begin Chris ;) Today was relatively a good day. It pretty chill overall. The last class of the day is always hard for me. I tend to feel like knocking out. Today was worse of all. I was in my T.A.’s office hours getting help on homework and my head started bobbing. It was so embarrassing because it turns out my T.A. caught me once. He said “So I take it you didn’t get much sleep last night huh?” It was one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me. LOL.
My memory for today is my first real high school crush. I must admit, I still am crushing on this guy till this day, but its’ not as hard as I used to be. His name is also Chris and I first saw him my sophomore year at Ontario. I was a new transfer student. He was a senior, basketball player, and we had world history together. I remember, everyday that he walked into the class, I’d get the butterflies and I’d cheese so hard, my friend next to me would tell me stop…LOL. Long story short, things haven’t always worked out for us because for some reason something would always happen; whether it be we lost touch or feelings just weren’t on the same page, something was always stopping us from being together. He is currently in a relationship right now and you can ask him yourself if he’s happy or not. LOL For now, we are the best of friends. Maybe something in the mere future will happen, but for now, He’s my Best Friend<3
Let’s go to disneyland spend the nite and have a great time wake up and have some breakfast smoke som greatness dip off in my shit id say I’ve got a lexus but fuck that you finer then an actress. Lol. So how about it? Ready to know who this stranger is?
YAYYYY!!! It’s March. Know what this means…IT’S ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY!! and my 2 bestiies at that. During this month I’d like to reflect on my last 19 almost 20 years of existence. Today we shall start. I remember when I was like 7 or 8 years old and my mom would cut up watermelons during the summer and my family and I would all sit together in front of our big screen T.V. with surround sound and just hang out together. Now, we’ll be lucky if we even see each other once a week. It’s saddens me that my family and I have grown apart, but yet in our hearts we are so close. Without even saying a word to my mom or dad, I can feel the pain or happiness, what ever it might be, in them. As for my brother, for those who know me, yes it’s been a tough couple years and I am still healing. I’m so thankful I have so many friends outside of my family to support me and to always encourage me to do my best. Seriously without family in the world, can anyone survive? Anyways, this weekend was quiet crazy, but I must save that for later, UGH CLASS TIME!!
“human relationships were strange. i mean you were with one person for a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together and then it stopped. then there was a short period when you weren’t with anybody, then another woman arrived, and you ate with her and you fucked her, and it all seemed so normal, as if you had been waiting just for her and she had been waiting for you. i never felt right being alone; sometimes it felt good but it never felt right.
nothing was ever in tune. people just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, beethoven, back, buddha, christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, new york city, and then it all evaporated and fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice.
i wanted the whole world or nothing.”—charles bukowski (via jenjill)